


Deserving Of This

by EmberandShadow



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Violence, typical heartbreak for one of my fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-31 08:12:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8571022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmberandShadow/pseuds/EmberandShadow
Summary: Edward confronts Oswald about the death of Isabella.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic brought to you by a Tumblr post made by @fairyroses. And don't worry, fluff is coming soon <3

It’s quiet as they eat, the only sound being the scrapping of silverware against the plates and the occasional crackle of the fire. The silence between them is usually comfortable, easy, nothing to be afraid of. But Ed has been acting strangely lately and the silence tonight has Oswald worried, almost scared. There’s an energy about Ed that seems hostile, knowing, like a quiet kept rage just boiling beneath the surface of his skin. Oswald doesn’t know how to approach him, doesn’t know what the problem is, and so he just sits and waits for Ed to say something. After a while, he does.

“Oswald.” Ed starts, his voice even, low, almost too calm. His eyes cast downward.  

Oswald stops eating, looks up at Ed with a bit of fear in his heart. “Yes?”

“Did she do anything?” He asks.

“Who?”

“Isabella.” There’s a bit of a warning in his voice, but he takes a deep breath to cover it.

“I- did she do anything to who?”

“To _you._ ” Ed looks up and into his eyes for the first time.

Oswald’s heart stutters, “I- she-”

“Don’t, Oswald, just don’t.” His eyes narrow. “Just tell me why you did it.”

“Why I-” He’s trapped, and he doesn’t know how to get out of this mess he’s in.

Ed slams his fist down on the table, making Oswald jump, “Stop! Just… stop, don’t try to weasel your way out of this. I know you killed her. I know it was you who snipped her breaks and paid off the GCPD. All I want to know is why you did it.”

“I didn’t-” He doesn’t know why he’s still denying it, doesn’t know why he’s still trying to get out of this. Maybe it’s because his heart is shivering in his chest and he doesn’t know what to do.

“Oh of course you didn’t, I _know you,_ Oswald, you had one of your lackey’s snip her breaks for you so you could claim innocence, so you could have an _alibi._ ” Ed stands, walking around to the side of the table, anger in his eyes now.

“Why did you do it?!” He yells.

Oswald’s eyes widen and he stands shakily, “Ed…”

“Did you do it to hurt me? Did you want me gone? What? _What_ could have made you kill her?” His voice is a steady stream of anger and Oswald doesn’t know if he can handle any of it. He doesn’t have any excuse, nothing smart to say, he can’t charm his way out of this situation because it’s _Ed_ , and he’s been caught red handed.

“How could you do it, Oswald? How could you do this to _me_!” And that’s when he lays hands on Oswald, pushing him back hard, making him stumble into the wall behind him.

“Ed.. Just calm down.” Oswald says, holding his hands out in front of him.

“No, Oswald. You _broke my heart._ ” And then his hand strikes the side Oswald’s face.

Oswald looks at him in fear and disbelief as the tears form. And then he takes a breath, straightens his back, and decides on what to do. And as much as it breaks his heart he can’t go on like this.

“Yes, I did kill your precious Isabella. I admit it.” Oswald says, because maybe admitting it will calm him somehow, maybe he’ll leave instead of hurting him further.

But then the punching starts. It comes in flurries, in quick succession, a beating that has Oswald on the floor in seconds and bleeding both from his now broken nose and his maybe dislocated jaw and he’s crying, sobs wracking his body, but he deserves it. He knows he deserves it. He’s completely responsible for ruining Ed’s life and all because of what? He was jealous? He was selfish? _Selfish_. That seems completely accurate in his current state and he knows wholeheartedly that he deserves this, that this is his punishment for being so selfish as to not care for how Ed would feel about all this.

And all the while Ed is screaming something about how Oswald destroyed his life, how he took away the one thing Ed loved most after just getting her back, and Oswald can take that, he can handle that. But then he starts yelling about how he thought Oswald was his _friend_ , wondering how he could ever do this to _him._ And then Oswald feels his heart shatter, feels himself crumble, and then he’s mumbling “I’m sorrys” through the blood bubbling in his mouth and trying to mutter “I love you’s” but the words won’t come out.

“Why did you do it?” Ed yells, shaking him roughly, “Why aren’t you fighting back?”

“I,” Oswald tries, then just barely above a whisper, “Love…. You.”

And Ed freezes. He stares down at the bloodied mess beneath him and he suddenly realizes everything. That simple utterance of a confession completely throws him off and he stumbles back. Oswald coughs and Ed’s head is spinning because this isn’t anything new to him. He killed Dougherty to be with Kristen and Oswald killed Isabella to be with _him._ And suddenly he’s seeing everyone’s point of view, suddenly he can understand Kristen’s disgust and fear when he admitted to killing her boyfriend and suddenly he understands completely why Oswald would do any of this.

He hits the wall with his back, puts a hand to his head and looks back down at the wounded, broken man he’s created and he feels something waking up inside of him but he doesn’t want to think about it right now so he bolts, calls 911 and then runs.

Oswald lies on the ground in pain, wondering if any of this was worth it at all, wondering if he’s lost Ed for good. He want to cry out for someone, _anyone._ But the one person he would have wanted to help him just beat him to a bloody pulp and then ran. So maybe he doesn’t deserve anyone coming to save him, maybe he should just lie there and let himself _die._ Maybe he’s caused too much hurt with Ed to ever make up for it. He should have just left them alone. He should have just confessed his feelings to Ed when he had the chance instead of messing everything up.

Ed circles the block. Trying to decide what to do. Trying to make sense of any of this because even though he understands where Oswald was coming from he still can’t make sense of the situation. He waits long enough to see the ambulance pull up to the mansion, waits until he sees them carry him out of the house before he turns his back. He doesn’t make sure Oswald’s even still alive before he walks away.     


	2. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed's overcome with guilt and Oswald hasn't woken up.

_What has he done?_

Edward stares down at Oswald’s unconscious body in the hospital, the bright lights in the room making him look too small, too skinny, too _vulnerable_. And the bruised eyes and cheeks don’t help either. Ed sits back, staring up at the ceiling and gulping down his guilt. The beeping in the room is his only sign that Oswald’s even still alive but he still wonders if he’ll make it. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Oswald dies. Because it would be because of _him._ It’s his own fault that Oswald is in this place and now he wishes he could go back and stop himself from losing it.

_I love you._

Oswald’s stuttered words keep replaying in his head and thinking of them now only bring tears to his eyes for the millionth time. Oswald _loved_ him. Oswald _killed_ for him. And this was how he repaid his dear friend; by ripping his birds wings off and leaving him to die. He thinks of those words again and this time it also brings about the memories of everything they’ve experienced together, now he’s reminded of all their conversations and it seems startlingly clear that Oswald had been trying to tell him all along just how deep his feelings went.

And Isabella? Ed’s now just seeing how idiotic he’d been in believing he had fallen in love so quickly. In fact, the more he thinks about it the less sense she makes to him. But he doesn’t want to think about that right now. Doesn’t want to contemplate why she looked like Kringle and why she ended up in Gotham and the absurd night they had when she dressed up as his ex. Now he just wants to think about Oswald getting better. About all the things he’ll say once Oswald wakes up.

“Sir?” A nurse says from the doorway.

He looks up at her, but doesn’t say anything.

“You’ve been in here with him for hours. Are you sure you don’t want to go home, get some rest? We can call you if his condition changes.” She looks sympathetic.

“No,” Ed shakes his head, “I need to stay with him.”

She nods, smiling empathetically, before leaving them alone again.

Ed runs his hands through his hair, sighs loudly, and takes Oswald’s hand.

~~~

“Did you know male Emperor Penguins keep their eggs warm by balancing them on their feet?” Oswald nearly laughs. He should have been nicer their first meeting, should have given the strange riddle-spouting man a chance. Maybe that would have changed things. Maybe then he wouldn’t be lost in a comatose dream.

And he knows he’s in a coma. Somehow. His dreams feel less like they do when he’s sleeping, more controllable, less real.

“Isn’t that _neat_?”

Oswald does nothing but stare at this version of Ed. This might have been the tilting point, the moment that decided how far their relationship was destined to go. Perhaps if he had just smiled, said “Yes, that is neat.” Then maybe that would have unlocked the door in Ed’s heart that would one day open for him. But he didn’t. He didn’t give Ed a key to unlock the door with so now it remains shut.

His mind switches to those days in Ed’s house. He focuses on the way Ed’s eyes look when he speaks. How his mouth smiles when he talks about killing, about how he was _freed_ when he killed Kringle. And he thinks about how rude he was then. And now he thinks he should have just accepted Ed’s care. He should have been kinder, gentler, let Ed speak about his experience killing Kringle and just let the poor guy flatter him and adore him. He should have let him in sooner.

But he’s not good at letting people in. Trust, isn’t really his thing. And he didn’t _know_ that these feelings would develop. Didn’t think anyone could _care_ for him in the ways Ed has. He didn’t know he’d one day be in this situation so it never occurred to him to let Ed into his heart, never crossed his mind that maybe he should be a little nicer to him.

Oswald wonders what’s happening in the waking world. If Ed’s several cities away, if he’s out somewhere not even thinking of him, not caring if he lived or died. But he lets himself hope- just a little- that Ed is with him in some hospital room, perhaps even holding his hand. He lets himself dream that Ed is worried sick about him, that he’s riddled with guilt. He almost doesn’t want to wake up. Almost doesn’t want to deal with whatever aftermath is awaiting him. But then he tells himself that he’s mayor. That despite his personal issues he has everything he wants and he can’t just let that go. So he resolves to wake himself up, however impossible the task may or may not be.

~~~

Oswald’s finger twitches and Ed’s eyes open wide.

“Oswald?” He asks hopefully, sitting on the edge of his chair, grasping Oswald’s hand tighter.

His eyelids flutter and Ed makes a metal note to kiss them every night if Oswald wakes up and forgives him for everything.

“Ed.” His name flies as a whisper across Oswald’s mouth and it’s then that Ed decides to get a nurse.

He rushes from the room, his heart pounding, hope dangerously blooming in his veins. When he leads the nurse back into the room Oswald is still, so still, and Ed’s hope flat lines. He tells the nurse what happened and she encourages him to speak to Oswald again so he does. He tells him how sorry he is and how if Oswald would just wake up they could talk it out, make things right. And he knows he’s just rambling and that he’s probably not making any sense whatsoever but he needs Oswald to wake up, he needs to see those bright blue eyes again.

And then Oswald’s eyelids flutter again and this time they make it all the way to opening.

“Ed?” He says in confusion.

“Oswald.” Ed breathes, a smile spreading across his lips.

~~~

“I’m sorry.” Ed says as the doctors and nurses finally leave after asking Oswald a seemingly endless list of questions and checking nearly everything to make sure he’s okay and hasn’t suffered any major damage.

“No. _I’m_ sorry. I should have just let you be happy with _Isabella.”_ He says her name with such disgust and it pains Edward to hear him speak like that. Especially now that he realizes how _bad_ Isabella was for him.

“Stop, Oswald. I nearly killed you and I don’t know what I would have done if you’d actually died.” He says, taking Oswald’s hand.

Oswald eyes their interlaced hands. “Ed?”

“I’m here for you Oswald. Always and forever. If you’ll forgive me, that is.”

And of course Oswald can’t say no, his fragile little heart could never refuse to forgive Ed. “I forgive you. But now, let me rest.”

Ed nods. And when Oswald closes his eyes he leans forward and, tentatively, kisses both of his eyelids. A smile spreads across Oswald’s lips before he falls asleep.


End file.
